The Chantastic Blog

I’d like to know why my old high school has a policy against wearing hats and playing cards in the school. These are both things I did regularly when I went there ten years ago, and it’s not like there’s been some kind of crazy development in either the hat or card industry that has revolutionized how they are used. I’d like to know what ridiculous over-analysis was done by school officials (or school authority officials) which led to the conclusion that wearing hats and playing cards is somehow detrimental to learning and education.

The one that really bugs me is not being able to play cards. The hat thing I can deal with - you can make a case for taking off hats as a sign of respect or something like that. But not being able to play cards inside the school? Let’s see if we can follow this logic tree.

Students play cards to kill time at lunch and/or between classes because they have nothing better to do, and because it’s fun. If you take that away, then students will have to find other ways to kill time. Sure, some might head to the library and study, which would be a positive outcome. But let’s be realistic - we’re talking about teenagers who are at that age where “being cool” is what they care about most. In other words, nobody’s going to study - if they were predisposed to studying, they wouldn’t have been playing cards in the first place. Instead, the best case scenario is that kids just loiter in the school and socialize with each other. So instead of kids huddled together playing cards as a social activity, you have kids…huddled together and talking as a social activity. What’s the real difference? Again, I want to point out that this is the best case scenario.

The worst case scenario? Let’s face it - teenagers are full of energy and want to focus that energy on something. Take away cards, and they have to focus on something else. I mean, God forbid we have them participate in an activity like cards where they have to use their brains. That’s insanity! So instead, some kids will end up walking the school halls. Then at some point, they’re going to go outside. Then they’re going to venture further and further from school. And eventually, some of these kids are going to venture so far from school (perhaps to a friend’s house or the mall) that leads them to say to themselves, “Ah, forget about going back - let’s just hang out here instead. We’re going to be late even if we go back.” And we know that having a bunch of kids skipping school doesn’t exactly lead to constructive activity.

Either that, or the kids are going to head over to the smokers gathered outside and talk to them. And then a few kids are going to try smoking for the first time. I’m sure that’ll end well.

Just to recap the brilliant decision making by my old high school, eliminating card-playing in schools will lead to a best case scenario of kids socializing more with each other. But more likely, they’re going to loiter on school property, leave the school premises, skip classes, or hang out with the smokers.

All in the name of eliminating that evil practice of playing cards.

Just picture me doing a slow clap for the geniuses who decided this was a good idea for the school.