The Chantastic Blog

My buddy Stephe is in L.A. right now, and here is a word-for-word e-mail in its entirety that he sent:

“Chan I went by the place where lauren from the Hills lives. I had no clue what that meant at the time but I took a picture anyways because I figured you’d get overly excited by seeing anything that’s even remotely related to the Hills.”

And if you’re wondering, yes, I’m getting excited about seeing it, even if it’s the old house that she moved out of after ending her run on The Hills.

Walking up Yonge Street, and as usual, there are people passing out flyers. I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding these people with a variety of strategies (don’t make eye contact, pretend like you’re on the phone, make it seem like you’re zoned out, pretend you can’t hear anything with your iPod on). Anyway, as I’m walking, I see someone passing out flyers on my right about thirty feet in front of me. Fortunately, there are two people in front of me who are walking on the right side of the sidewalk. The obvious play is to move to their left and use them as a buffer so that they get propositioned by the flyer guy while I walk past, which is what I wind up doing.

Right as we’re about to pass by the flyer guy, the flyer guy suddenly bolts across the sidewalk so that he’s on the left side, positioning himself so that he can give me a flyer instead of the two people I was using as a buffer. And naturally, he hands me a flyer when I walk past.

Now I’m curious - why did he blatantly go out of his way to hand me a flyer instead of the two folks I was walking beside? I look down at the flyer to see what it’s all about.

Ugh. It’s for an Asian restaurant.

Despite my best efforts, I cannot escape the bias that all Asians look the same, and thus must think the same, even though I don’t really belong in that group.

Anytime you combine a weiner, a promotional car, and an unfortunate accident into a news article, I’m a fan. How many different punchlines can be made here?

More evidence that a woman can’t handle a weiner with that kind of thrust.
She frantically tried to pull it out, but it was too late.
Once a weiner finds a comfortable home, it won’t want to leave. You’ll have to pry it out.
That weiner will never be able to perform like it once did.
There should have taken precautions - everyone involved wishes they had played it safe and used more protection.

Have you noticed that almost all government construction projects go over budget? Well, I think I’ve figured out why.

The next time you walk past a government construction site, take a look at how many workers are actually doing work. Or think back to the last time you were around a roadwork site, and see if you can remember how many guys were just sitting or standing around, not doing anything. That’s the problem - it seems that they hire about double the amount of construction workers than necessary.

Last week, I was on a bus that drove past a road that was being re-paved. There were five people on a section of the road that was being worked on. Two guys were doing work. Two other guys were standing there, watching them. One guy was sitting down and eating a sandwich while watching the two guys work. It was 10 AM.

A few days later, I was walking on Yonge Street where they were fixing part of the road. There must have been a guy down in the sewer because the manhole cover was off, and there was that yellow “Do Not Cross” tape around the opening. Fine, makes sense. The problem was that there were three guys holding up the yellow tape around the manhole. Seriously, that was all they were doing. They could have saved the money spent on the yellow tape because they literally could have hooked their arms together and acted as a human barrier around the hole in the ground instead.

So the next time you come across a construction site - especially any roadwork projects - take a look to see how many people are just standing there, doing nothing. The government is either wasting tax dollars by hiring way more workers than necessary, or embarking on the most extensive training program in the history of mankind.

Walking up Yonge Street today, where there are always various people always passing out brochures/pamphlets/etc. One guy was blindly handing out flyers for his little waffle place as each person walked by, but happened to look up just as a hot girl approached. I think he gave himself whiplash by doing a double-take as she walked by. It was even better because he looked completely bored out of his mind and borderline comatose before it happened.

Cheaters is quickly becoming one of the most quietly captivating shows on TV.

Today’s episode involved a case where a guy was cheating on his wife with…his wife’s twin sister.
The second case of the show included a 24-year-old single mom with four kids, a thunderous slap, and the phrase, “They were chased by a chicken with a chainsaw.”

Definitely a solid hour of unmatched television.

One of my friends, Catalina, was going to China for vacation. Having been there a few times, I’m well aware of what the locals are like, and the types of craziness that can occur. So I warned her about what awaited on her vacation, and gave a few tips (ie. Don’t give beggars any money because if you give money to one, then all the other beggars will chase after you).

Well, I received an e-mail from Catalina a few days ago, and she said it was “not at all as scary” as I made it out to be. Then I figured out why she didn’t have to deal with the China that I knew. When I went to China, I went with family, who took us to local areas. When she went, she was on tour package, complete with guides. Obviously, they only visit tourist attractions, which have been cleaned up for white people.

Or as I like to call it, those areas have been bleached.