The Chantastic Blog

On Sunday, I had never seen my fridge so full before.

On Monday, I missed by bus to work for the very first time.

On a completely unrelated note, on Saturday, my mom flew back home to Edmonton.

I’ve talked a few times about how I can’t stand the Jays announcers because of the nonsensical statements they make. But tonight’s game takes the cake because they were spewing blatant lies.

Tonight, the Jays announcing crew was Rod Black and Pat Tabler. Because the game was on TSN - not the usual network for games - Black was called in since he works for TSN, and the fact that he doesn’t follow baseball regularly became blatantly obvious. Midway into the Rays/Jays game, Black started talking about how the Rays’ run to the World Series last year had sparked a huge increase in attendance for Tampa Bay, that they’ve got that “building rockin’”, and that this was further proof winning leads to increased attendance.

That’s a nice theory, but I’m pretty sure that being 26th in attendance would disprove everything he said. Average crowds of 23,000 a game thus far does not a rockin’ building make. And that huge spike in attendance from the World Series that Black was implying? An additional 800 fans per game isn’t exactly the dramatic change he made it out to be. In fact, Tampa Bay’s president called the team’s attendance this season “bewildering” last week, which would, you know, completely contradict what Black was saying.

The best part about the whole thing was that Tabler said nothing as Black kept going on and on about the Jays attendance, and didn’t even acknowledge Black’s monologue after he was done, which was a sign to me that Tabler knew Black was wrong. But instead of trying to change the topic quickly or correcting Black, Tabler let him go on and on.

I swear I get dumber every time I watch a Jays broadcast.

After the wildly entertaining episode of “Cheaters” I watched a month ago, I decided to watch another episode this past weekend.

The first case involved lesbians, a male roommate, and strippers. The second case involved a preacher, another church worker, and a ritualist burning of clothes in a church parking lot. The last segment involved an update featuring an interview with the guy who stabbed the host as he begged for his old flame to take him back.

Really, just an hour of television unlike any other.

I went with my mom to the airport to see her off. As we checked in, my mom asked me to get a couple of those baggage address tags that you put on your checked bags in case they get lost.

I went to the counter, but there was a crowd of people I had to manoeuvre around. One woman in particular was especially in the way because she was right in my direct path, was rather hefty, and to top it off, carried a handbag that stuck out due to her size.

Just as I walked by, the woman moved, which led to me brushing up against her slightly.

The woman, whose appearance I would characterize as the definition of white trash, mutters out loud, “Jesus”, a clear shot at me for coming into contact with her as I walked by.

As I continued walking, I turned my head around to stare at her, and she stared right back at me. Lucky for her, my mom was around, so I didn’t want to escalate things and just let it slide. On my way back, I instead cut under the lineup ropes to avoid walking past her.

I’m pretty sure that if my mom wasn’t there, I would have responded with, “What?” or “Excuse me?” And I’m pretty sure that she would have responded with how she didn’t appreciate me bumping her as I walked past.

Listen, lady. It’s not my fault that you’re in a crowded area I had to walk through, and it’s definitely not my fault that you’re grossly overweight and take up a bunch of space. As if you didn’t take up enough space to begin with, you’re also holding a damn handbag that sticks out because there’s no way for you to hold it comfortably because you’re huge. Of course, that just exacerbates the problem because the handbag winds up make you an even wider load than you are. Maybe instead of complaining, you should work on decreasing the size of both your over-inflated ego and body.

The best part of the NHL draft last night was the crowd reaction to players celebrating with their families after they were drafted. Anytime the players hugged an attractive sister, girlfriend, or cousin, the crowd whistled…even if the girl was blatantly underage. This has never happened in all my years of watching the NHL draft but this year’s draft was in Montreal, and really, I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

On a related note, the funniest moment happened when a player was drafted and gave his mom a hug. However, the mom couldn’t restrain her enthusiasm and proceeded to give him a full three second lip-on-lip kiss, leading to the entire crowd laughing and cheering her on.

It’s pretty fitting that in the year the Penguins won the Stanley Cup, they use their first round pick on a guy named Simon. The only thing missing was having Mario announce the pick…

I’m watching the NHL draft, and I have to admit, the main reason why I’m watching is so I can hear team execs say, “We’d like to congratulate the Pittsburgh Penguins on winning the Stanley Cup” before every pick.