The Chantastic Blog

The warm weather here in Toronto allows for costumes that are not possible in Edmonton due to the cold weather.

On the subway on my way to the Raptors’ home opener, I saw a girl dressed as a cop…wearing a garter. She was with a friend, who I think was supposed to be a football player. She was wearing the eye black that football players wear, but I wasn’t sure since she was wearing a trenchcoat that ended mid-thigh, and all that anybody could see was…mid-thigh.

On the way home, I came across the typical slutty nurse (seriously, use some imagination!) uniform, and then I came across the best one of the night. A girl was wearing a Tom Brady jersey, except she had a crutch and bandages around her left knee. The best part was that she was wearing extremely tight football clothes, meaning that her costume was…slutty Tom Brady.

Then again, is it that far from the truth?

I’m in my Statistics class right now, and our prof has a Russian accent. We’re talking about a model where “Late” is a variable. However, due to his accent, it sounds like he’s saying…

“Laid is a random process.”

I have many years of experience that tell me otherwise.

I was grocery shopping today when I passed by some Swedish meatballs in the frozen food section. This is exactly how my thought process went as I pondered whether I should buy them or not:

“Meatballs? Never bought them before. But I like meatballs. Can I make them by throwing them into the oven or microwave so I don’t actually have to do any work? (Check back of package, yes I can) Swedish meatballs? Which ones are those? Are they the ones that I had at a potluck at work one time? I’m not sure, but those were good. Hmmm. Swedish, eh? I don’t know much about Sweden, but I like what I’ve seen of Sweden so far. I think I’ll buy them.”

Now that final exams are over for Quarter 1, it’s time to reflect on my procrastination habits over the past week. Despite my spiteful plans, a part of me is always going to be a procrastinator when it comes to school. There are the standard ways to procrastinate (watch TV, surf the Internet, Facebook creeping, and my favorite, sleep), and then there are the ridiculous, I’m-blatantly-looking-for-excuses-not-to-study ways of procrastinating. One classic example was a few years ago when I decided that it was absolutely vital that I find out what happened to Jodie Sweetin, the girl who played Stephanie on Full House who I also happened to have a crush on as a kid, the night before an exam. I found out that she got married and a boob job.

So what ridiculous lengths did I go to this time around? Let’s count the ways:

1) Exams and papers to be handed in were the week of the 20th to the 24th. Scroll down and take a look at the number and length of blog posts from the 5th to the 17th, and then compare with the 18th to the 22nd.
2) I suddenly needed to know how much my professors at Rotman made, and found out that all five of my profs in Quarter 1 made over $100,000, and the only professor who was even close ($105,000) was in his first year teaching here.
3) I then decided right after that it was imperative for me to go through the entire list of Western profs manually to see which names I recognized from my five years there.
4) For the first time since I moved in, I found it necessary to do 10 minutes of sweeping in my place the night before an exam. Actually, that’s a lie. I spent 5 minutes trying to find the broom and dustpan since my parents helped me move in and I had no clue where they put it, and then another 10 minutes actually sweeping. I also discovered that I prefer vacuuming to sweeping.

Contrast that with this past weekend, which I spent preparing for my fantasy basketball draft. The amount of time I spent procrastinating was literally zero. Let’s count the ways that I was efficient with my time:
1) I set my alarm for 9:30 AM. Normally, when I wake up, I just lie in bed for half an hour. Not this weekend. I was reading news and ranking players within 15 minutes of my alarm going off.
2) I had a group meeting for school starting at 3 PM. From 3:30 until 4:30, I asked, “So, we’re done here, right?” every five minutes.
3) I showered once all weekend.

Given how the last post was a bit testosterone-centric, I’ll try to balance that out here.

I was part of a group viewing of “The Hills” with a couple of friends in my class tonight. I was the only guy there. Just in case you’re worried, I’m still straight.

And if that wasn’t enough, I would recommend you listen to this song. The song, the voice, the lyrics, the emotion - it’s simply a beautiful song, and you might just shed a tear. The more times I hear it, the more touching it gets.

Seriously, I’m not gay. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for a bubble bath…

Back in the day when I was a TA doing my Master’s degree, I had to proctor exams as part of my TA duties. Some guys absolutely love it - this one guy I knew was on a mission to catch cheaters during final exams held in a huge gym and literally sat down behind a guy who he thought was cheating and just lurked there for 10 minutes, waiting to pounce like a tiger on its prey - and some guys completely zone out and let their minds wander. I was one of those mind-wanderers. To kill time, I would check out any hot girls in the class but since my degree was in Economics, that meant I proctored Economics exams. Girls were few and far between, and most of the ones there fell into a class best described by a certain TLC song. And anyway, how long can you check out a girl for anyway?

I needed a backup plan, and one time I infamously came up with my “Top 10 Celebrity List”. I was trying to remember it a few days ago, and here was my list as best as I can remember it. Keep in mind, this list was circa 2005, and my list would be different now.

1) Sarah Michelle Gellar
2) Brooke Burns
3) Jessica Simpson
4) Elena Dementieva
5) Monica Potter
6) Jennifer Love Hewitt
7) Amy Acker
8) Vanessa Marcil
9) Katherine Kelly Lang
10) Christie Clark

Hall of Fame: Kathy Ireland, Rachel Hunter

I realize that you probably haven’t heard of half these names. Sorry, but I like what I like whether they’re household names or not.

Anyway, I bring all this up because during my last exam on Friday, the proctor was definitely zoned out. How do I know? Well, the fact that he set up two chairs at the front of the room facing each other so he could lean back in one and put his feet up on the other might have tipped me off. I’m pretty sure I saw his eyes close for a few seconds. I’m surprised he didn’t bring a pillow and dim the lights.

Here are three things I did not account for when I made my Chantastic schedule for this weekend:

1) I have a flag football game at 11:30 AM on Saturday morning, which means setting my alarm for 10:45 AM, coming home very tired after the game, and wanting to sleep during the afternoon.
2) I forgot that when I drink, I do not sleep well. Six hours of bad, half-awake sleep later, it’s 10 AM right now and I’m already up. Which means I’m going to want to sleep during the afternoon.
3) I haven’t eaten anything and am totally starving. But I don’t want to eat too much before the game, so I’m probably going to wait until after the game to stuff my face. Which means afterwards, I’m going to want to sleep during the afternoon.

See a pattern here?